Wounds
by MyGirlCrais
Summary: Sequel to 'History'. Crais and Carma set off to get Talyn repaired and Carma's true colours begin to show.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Farscape isn't mine, I just like living in denial.  
  
Timing: This fic is the sequel to 'History' which takes place after ITLD:WISC.   
  
Spoilers: Up to WISC, not beyond, AU for season 4  
  
Feedback: Love it. Just to know that someone has actually read this other than people who know me and are trying to be nice (indeed, anyone at all) is a thrill. You can review, you can email, but please say something. Even if you want to point out a flaw. I don't have a regular beta-reader so help is always useful.  
  
A/N: Although I'm only just posting this, this series has gone beyond where this story leaves off. Part three 'The Quick Fix' is already complete and part four 'Waiting For A Star To Fall' is slowly progressing. I'll post them here too, I'm just a bit behind.  
  
And, oh yes:  
  
CRAIS IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Just in case you didn't know :-) )  
  
Chapter 1:   
  
Crais sat up and threw the covers off the bed, then lay back down on his other side in yet another futile attempt to get comfortable. His quarters were once again several points above optimum temperature. Not far enough to be dangerous, merely enough to be irritating. Not for the first time he was sorely tempted to have Talyn give him the hand of friendship a second time so that he could once again have control. Talyn was still weak from their adventure on board the command carrier and was having trouble controlling all his systems on his own. Nevertheless Crais knew that a new transponder was not a viable option. Talyn's instability was at least in part his fault, although his hybrid roots had doubtless contributed to it, and Crais could not risk doing further damage. Talyn should have another Captain, at least until he had time to mature. But there was no-one suitable, and so he had to manage alone.  
  
As always now, when he couldn't sleep, the familiar images came back to him. Carma ill and weak, her breathing slowly growing more laboured. Him at her bedside through the night. Jool and Crichton somewhere in the background, just touching the corners of his field of vision from time to time. All of them waiting. Her eventual heart failure, the funeral they had held, his return to Talyn...with nothing except a dull ache deep inside that wouldn't go away.  
  
He could see it as clearly as if it were happening now.   
  
He sighed, got up and pulled on his uniform. It was no use trying to sleep, not once he started thinking like that. He left his quarters, pulling on his jacket as he left, and headed back to Moya.  
  
Pilot expressed no surprise at his arrival, merely allowed him to dock without asking why he was there. Crais trod the now familiar path to the medilab. Naturally for the middle of the sleep cycle, the ship was deserted.  
  
Jool looked up in surprise when he entered the lab.  
  
"What are you doing here at this hour?" she asked.  
  
"I will take over," he replied. "I advise you to get some sleep."  
  
"I sent you back to Talyn five arns ago to do the same," Jool replied.  
  
"I have had sufficient rest," Crais said firmly.  
  
"I'll wager you haven't slept a microt."  
  
He was definitely spending too much time with her.  
  
"I prefer to be here," he said.  
  
"If you keep doing this you will cause yourself damage," Jool commented.  
  
"I will take the risk," Crais replied.  
  
Jool gave up. "I'll be back when the sleep cycle is over and then I will take over and you will go back to Talyn and go to bed even if I have to chain you to it."  
  
Crais nodded briefly. Jool got up and headed back to her own quarters, leaving him to his thoughts.  
  
Crais sat down by Carma's bedside and looked down at her. She was sleeping peacefully tonight. He knew that she was out of danger, Jool had told him so a thousand times and he had finally begun to believe her, but the nightmares images persisted. The first time they had felt so real that he had really believed that she was dead. He had barely slept since the time he had found her in pain. It had been several solar days now and she was doing better and better, but his mind still wouldn't let his body rest.  
  
He sat and watched her until the sleep cycle was over.  
  
***  
  
"Bed. Now. No arguments."  
  
Crais blinked at the suddenly bright lights and turned to face the determined Jool, briefly thinking how much more appealing that order would be coming from Carma. But he knew as well as she did that he needed to rest.  
  
"I promise that I will comm you if anything changes, but she'll be fine," Jool added.  
  
"Of course," Crais said, his tone betraying no worry. "Sebaceans are a resilient species."  
  
Jool's brow furrowed. "She's not Sebacean," she said.  
  
Crais, who had turned to leave, stopped. "What?" he asked, turning back.  
  
Jool indicated the sleeping figure on the medibed. "Carma, she's not Sebacean."  
  
"She obviously is," Crais replied.  
  
"She may look Sebacean, but so does Crichton," Jool pointed out. "And she's definitely not. Her physiology is quite similar to yours, but she has a heat gland for one thing, she can regulate body temperature. It's just as well. If she didn't have it the hot flushes caused by the withdrawal would have sent her into the living death before we could have done anything to help her. It's really incredible how similar she looks to Sebaceans though, I wonder how many species there are that look like yours?"  
  
"I must remain here," Crais said, moving back to the bed. "I must speak with Carma when she wakes up."  
  
"Whatever it is, it can wait," Jool said firmly. "I meant what I said about chaining you to your bed. I may not be able to overpower you, but I spoke to Crichton and D'Argo and they're more than willing to help me out. And unless you find the idea of being chained naked to a console in command appealing I suggest you co-operate, because that's what they threatened to do."  
  
A look of irritation flashed across Crais' face at Crichton's latest unfathomable behaviour, but he decided not to take the risk. Sometimes you just didn't know if the human was serious or not.  
  
***  
  
He returned just over eight arns later. He might have slept for less than half an arn of that, but hopefully it would be enough to convince Jool that he had indeed rested. Besides, he was determined to speak with Carma. Jool's revelation had been churning round his mind, one reason why he had barely slept, and he needed to hear what Carma would have to say.  
  
When he came in, Jool took one look at the dark circles underneath his eyes, sighed and began muttering something about sleeping pills. Fortunately she decided that she was fighting a losing battle and decided to leave. Crais might want to spend his every waking arn in the medilab, but she did not.  
  
"Hi," Carma said from her bed.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Crais asked, coming to stand beside her.  
  
"Bored," Carma said bluntly. "I want to get up."  
  
"I take it that Jool is against this?"  
  
"She says that I need more rest," Carma said impatiently. "I've been lying on my back for five straight solar days. There is only one circumstance where that would be a good thing and this is not it."  
  
Crais couldn't help smiling at that. She was definitely getting better. "I am certain that this is in your best interests," he said.  
  
"You're just getting revenge for all the times I made you rest, aren't you?"  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
"At least say that you've got something interesting to tell me? I'm going to go crazy if I do nothing for much longer. How is your memory recovery going?"  
  
Crais pulled Jool's work stool closer to the bed and sat stiffly down on it. "There are still gaps, but I believe that I have recovered the majority of my memories."  
  
"How are you adjusting?"  
  
"It is...disorientating," Crais replied, considering. "New memories are constantly being awakened by the most unusual things. And my mind is constantly being bombarded with concerns that I had forgotten about."  
  
"Like what?" Carma asked curiously.  
  
"The majority concern Talyn," Crais replied. "It seems that, before the episode on the command carrier, he was having some...problems."  
  
"What kind of problems?"  
  
"Behavioural problems," Crais answered, quickly filling her in on all he could remember. "Talyn requires a new captain and perhaps even more extensive help. With the Peacekeepers no longer an option, I must find another solution."  
  
Carma looked thoughtful. "Let me see if I've got this right. You and Talyn were joined by the transponder almost since he was born, right? And then you had to splice your neural engrams with his after the retrieval squad tried to shut down his higher functions?"  
  
"That is correct."  
  
"And Talyn's an adolescent now?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Carma shifted herself on to her elbows and raised her head. "Then I don't think that Talyn needs another captain."  
  
"What do you suggest?" Crais asked, curiously.  
  
"Bialar you like to be in complete control, don't you?"  
  
Crais shifted. "I am...accustomed to it."  
  
"Understatement of the decade," Carma said. "That's the problem. Talyn's been commanded all his life, and when he was small that was necessary, but, while I hate to be the one to break it to you, he's growing up now. He needs something different. He still needs you, you're practically his father, but only when he asks for help. What he needs could be something more like...a mentor."  
  
"But Talyn is having difficulty coping alone."  
  
"True, he still needs someone to help him control his systems, to guide him and offer him support - but more as a partner than a commander."  
  
"So what you mean..." Crais began.  
  
"...is that Talyn should have a pilot," Carma finished.  
  
"The pilots' home world is a great distance from here and Talyn cannot starburst."  
  
"Obviously our first priority is to have Talyn repaired, then we can consider finding Talyn a pilot. A pilot who has already fully matured could help Talyn to grow more stable."  
  
Crais looked down at her, amused. "It sounds as if you have appointed yourself Talyn's surrogate mother."  
  
"Yes well," Carma said, lying back down. "I don't have anything else, do I? Everything I ever cared about has gone. My family is dead, my career is over, I've left the planet I lived my entire life on. Not that I was sad to leave, I was abused and damaged by practically everyone I knew there, but it's gone none the less. That really leaves me only myself to care about. But I'm a carer, I've lived my life serving others and that's a hard habit to break. Since I'm here, and you could obviously use my help, I think I'll look after you and Talyn."  
  
"What help do you believe that I need?"  
  
"You need someone in your daily life besides Talyn. It will be good for both of you to have someone else to think about. You've spent far too much time alone."  
  
"So you intend to come with us?" Crais asked.  
  
"With all due respect, where else did you think I was going to go?" Carma asked. "I've no ship, no provisions, virtually no technical skills and I've never left the planet I was born on. You on the other hand have everything that I need and more. Really this could work out pretty good for the both of us. You get a companion, personal medic and a break from Talyn's company, I get someone to teach me how to survive in the big bad world."  
  
"From what I have seen," Crais replied, "I think you would manage that admirably even without my help."  
  
"Well maybe I would," Carma said, "but it's nice to have a little backup to count on. I think you need someone to remind you of that."  
  
"So you wish us to have a business relationship. Is that all?"  
  
For a brief second he imagined he saw a look of fear in her eyes.  
  
"I think that's probably best," she said. "If we're serving on the same ship together it could really complicate things and we both have a lot of things to deal with anyway. I really think it's best that we just keep things platonic."  
  
Crais nodded. "I agree."  
  
Carma looked surprised. "You do? I thought...."  
  
"Carma why did you not tell me that you are not Sebacean?" Crais asked abruptly.  
  
Carma looked surprised. "You didn't ask."  
  
"I did not know that I needed to ask. I had no idea that there were other species who looked like Sebaceans except for Crichton's."  
  
"Crichton's not Sebacean?" Carma asked in surprise.  
  
"No. He is human. What are you?"  
  
"Teraxian," Carma replied. "It never occurred to me to tell you, I suppose I just assumed that you were aware of our existence."  
  
"I wish you had told me earlier."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Carma what do you know about Peacekeepers?" Crais asked.  
  
"They're bad news, stay away from them," Carma said with a small smile. "That was apparently all I ever needed to know."  
  
"It was good advice," Crais said, then grew serious. "Carma, part of what Peacekeepers are taught is the concept of irreversible contamination. I was indoctrinated to believe that other races are inferior, but particularly that inter-species relationships are wrong, even...repellent and that half breeds are to be despised."  
  
"So what you're saying to me is that you find the idea of having sex with me...repellent?" Carma asked, pulling a face. "How flattering."  
  
"No, I do not mean that," Crais replied. "But it is difficult to reconcile my feelings with what I was taught." He paused. "I thought that I had at least begun to overcome those prejudices, but now...I find that I have not."  
  
"Well..." Carma said slowly, "at least that makes it easier. You don't want us to get involved because I'm not Sebacean and I...well, anyhow, we each have our own reasons. We can work together without that getting in the way."  
  
Somehow Crais didn't think that it would be so easy. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:  
  
He found her in the galley on Talyn, absent-mindedly chewing food cubes. She looked far better now she was out of the medilab and allowed to move around. She was still using the makeshift crutch that Jool had given her, but she was coping. She was well, but looked tired and he was worried about her.  
  
They'd left Moya the weeken before and had set off in search of a place where Talyn's starburst fin could be repaired. Whether it was the isolation that bothered her, the unaccustomed space travel or something more serious, he just didn't know.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked as he approached her.  
  
"Fine," Carma replied and volunteered nothing more. He was beginning to worry about this response. It was her standard answer to any question about her well-being, even when it was so obviously not true.  
  
"Are you having difficulty sleeping?" he asked, trying again.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Are you experiencing any ill-effects from your treatment?"  
  
"I'm *fine*."  
  
"Then what are you doing here in the middle of the sleep cycle?" Crais asked.  
  
"What are *you*?" Carma shot back.  
  
"I am concerned about you," Crais replied simply.  
  
"I think you're taking this back-up thing too far," Carma said. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong."  
  
Crais met her eyes. "I do not believe you."  
  
"How about you don't bother me and I don't bother you?" Carma countered. "There's about a million things on your mind that you don't tell me about."  
  
"Perhaps I am better able to cope with them alone than you are."  
  
"That's a load of dren," Carma said. "You're as messed up as I am, you've got enough issues to keep a team of therapists busy for cycles and the reason you don't talk about them is because you won't let yourself be vulnerable to anyone. That's not strength, that's fear and one day it's going to tear you apart. So forgive me if I do the same, I'm too far gone for it to matter."  
  
Crais stared back at her for a few microts. "I will tell you something," he said. "When I decided to use Talyn to destroy the command carrier, I intended it as a hero's death for Talyn and a way to prevent wormhole technology falling into the hands of the Peacekeepers. However, when I stood in Talyn's command, I found myself also thinking of it as an honourable ending to a life that had grown increasingly difficult. I knew that I was going to my death and I felt at peace for the first time in my life. And then I woke up and found that I must carry on when I thought that my time was over."  
  
Carma wasn't looking at him anymore.  
  
"You believed that you would die when you were no longer supplied with Deuterol. You risked your life to save Talyn because you were willing to die, not for a cause but to escape a difficult life. Once Talyn was safe and the operation to restore my memory was complete you no longer had anything to attend to. You went to your death at peace...and then you, also, woke up and found that you had to live."  
  
Carma looked back at him. "As I said, you're as frelled up as I am."  
  
"And we will both survive. Your life is obviously destined to continue, as mine is."  
  
"The practical ex-Peacekeeper believes in destiny?" Carma said, eyebrows arching.  
  
"Losing my memory has made me see my past in a different light. Considering everything that has happened to me in the last few cycles...I do believe in destiny."  
  
"You saved my life when I was supposed to die."  
  
"And you did the same for me."  
  
"So destiny has stuck us together?"  
  
"It seems so."  
  
"Oh great," Carma said. "Because we'll be so good for each other. We both have the same faults."  
  
"And we both only recognise them as faults in the other...and not in ourselves."  
  
Carma half-smiled. "Will you promise not to let me die?" she said.  
  
"Yes," Crais replied.  
  
Carma hesitated. "Even if I ask you to?"  
  
"Especially then."  
  
Carma looked back at him. "Then I'll do the same for you."  
  
***  
  
"What's happening?" Carma asked as she half staggered into command. "It's too early for this."  
  
"The sleep cycle ended over two arns ago," Crais replied, looking perfectly awake.  
  
Carma glared at him. "My sleep cycle lasts as long as I'm asleep!" she growled.  
  
Crais ignored the look she was giving him. "Talyn has located a planet that may possibly have the facilities to repair his starburst fin. We will arrive in one arn." He looked her up and down. "I suggest you dress before then."  
  
Carma looked down at the sheet that she had wrapped around her. "Just because you look like you have a personal dresser does not mean that I have to look like a Peacekeeper uniform model at this hour in the morning. If I'm going to stay on this ship I have to have at least a couple of rules going my way, and one of them is this. If I want to come to command wearing nothing but a sheet, I will come to command wearing nothing but a sheet!"  
  
Crais bit his tongue to keep from enquiring if she really was wearing nothing else. Instead he gave her his patented firm, no-nonsense look.  
  
"Fine," Carma said grumpily. "I'll go change. Give me half an arn."  
  
***  
  
Carma returned, just under an arn later, looking rather more together in a pair of leather trousers that she'd borrowed from Aeryn. They were too tight and too long, but they were better than the skirt she'd been wearing before. As Crais had pointed out, carers and renegades had rather different dress codes.  
  
"First stop has to be a clothing store," Carma said, looking uncomfortable. "It was great of Aeryn to lend me these but, let's face it, I'm not her."  
  
'No,' Crais thought, 'you're not'. For the first time that didn't sound like a insult.  
  
"I have made contact with the planet's authorities. They have the facilities and expertise that Talyn requires but I sense that they are slightly concerned," Crais said out loud. "However, they have agreed to meet with us. Hopefully we can convince them."  
  
"With an unstable gunship in orbit around their planet and your people skills, how could we fail?" Carma asked innocently.  
  
"I thought perhaps that I would take care of the technical details and allow you to conduct the negotiation," Crais responded, poker-faced.  
  
"Great," Carma said, looking slightly queasy, "even better."  
  
"I am certain that your 'people skills' are sufficient."  
  
"Yeah, sure. I'm just a little...nervous. Nothing serious, just because I've never been off world in my life until now and I know nothing about these people. Nothing to worry about."  
  
"You will be fine," Crais said.  
  
Carma gave a weak smile in return. "I hope you're right."  
  
***  
  
"Welcome to our court." The man behind the desk greeted them. "I am Zraven Tyrel, the sovereign of this planet. May I present my mate, Kalveni Haren and my son, Zraven Erane."  
  
They looked approximately Sebacean, Crais thought to himself, except for the curious markings across their foreheads and the fact that they didn't seem to have any visible ears. They were certainly of a species that he had never met before.  
  
"I am Raylai Carma," Carma said, she and Crais having agreed that she should take the lead in the negotiations, "and this is Bialar Crais. Or Crais Bialar in your tradition."  
  
The man half-smiled. "My communications director informs me that you are requesting help to repair your ship?"  
  
"That is correct, sir," Carma said. "Our ship is a hybrid leviathan. His left starburst fin was lost in an accident and it must be replaced."  
  
"A hybrid? What is his other half?"  
  
"Peacekeeper," Carma answered, knowing that concealment was impossible, "but we are in no way associated with them and the ship has never served them."  
  
"Does he have weapons?"  
  
"He does, but they are all disabled. We simply wish to allow him to starburst in order to defend himself without weapons," Carma said. "We would be quite willing to allow someone on board to verify this."  
  
Tyrel nodded. "One of my people will return with you before I will grant your request."  
  
"Naturally we will provide you with appropriate compensation," Crais added, they had been given a large amount by Moya's crew since it was to repair Talyn.  
  
"I will send my chief technician back to your ship today to inspect it. If he confirms your story, we can begin repairs tomorrow. In the meantime you are welcome to attend the court. We are currently in the midst of celebrations."  
  
"Really, why?" Carma asked curiously.  
  
"My son will soon undergo his bonding ceremony with his chosen mate," Tyrel replied proudly.  
  
"Congratulations," Carma said warmly. "I'm sure she's a wonderful girl."  
  
"I have not selected my bride yet," Erane answered, in a bored voice.  
  
Carma looked taken aback. "You're about to be bonded and you don't know who too?" she asked.  
  
"In our culture," Tyrel explained, "males and females are strictly segregated until they reach the age of bonding. Then they are permitted to meet each other in order to select their future mate. There will be a court ball every night this weeken. Erane will select his mate one weeken from now at the final ball and they will be married two solar days after that. All the preparations are complete now except for the choice of bride. I assume that they do not do this in the culture that you both come from?"  
  
"Not in mine," Carma said. "We come from different cultures. In mine you select your mate at any time you like, and in Crais' you don't have one at all."  
  
"None?" Tyrel looked surprised. "That must be a very limited existence."  
  
"I was conscripted into the Peacekeepers when I was young," Crais explained, "but I have now left them. The culture I came from before that was much like Carma's, from what I remember."  
  
"So you are different species?" Tyrel asked. "It is most unusual to find couples who manage to sustain mixed relationships."  
  
"We're not a couple," Carma said.  
  
"I apologise," Tyrel said. "I assumed since you were travelling together you must be bonded."  
  
"In both our cultures it is considered quite acceptable for males and females to mix freely as they wish without being bonded," Carma explained. "It must seem very strange to you."  
  
"Sounds far more sensible than our way," Erane muttered.  
  
"Erane!" Haren said sharply.  
  
"You must excuse my son," Tyrel said. "He is finding the prospect of selecting a bride...daunting."  
  
"That's perfectly understandable," Carma said. "It is a very important decision."  
  
"I am confident that once at the ball he will be able to make a good choice," Tyrel replied.  
  
"I'm sure he will," Carma agreed.  
  
"Now, I suggest that you both return to your ship. My chief technician will meet you at the landing pad and inspect your ship. If his report is satisfactory, I hope you will be our guests at the ball tonight and we will begin the examination of your ship tomorrow."  
  
"Thank you, we'd be delighted," Carma said, before Crais could open his mouth.  
  
"I am sure we can provide you with more...formal clothes for this evening."  
  
"That would be wonderful," Carma answered, again before Crais could respond. "I don't suppose that you know of a clothing store in the local area? As you can probably see, I need to purchase some more suitable clothing."  
  
"I am sure that you can be directed to one," Tyrel answered. "I hope that we will see you tonight."  
  
"You will," Carma said cheerfully, not entirely unaware of how much Crais hated her at that moment.  
  
***  
  
"I do not wish to go to a ball," Crais said definitely.   
  
"It'll be fun," Carma said, then saw his face, "well, for me anyway."  
  
Crais looked darkly at her.  
  
"Okay," Carma said, "so you don't want to go. Consider this, we want something from these people and so we don't want to offend them. If you had refused their invitation or did not attend the ball, that would doubtless insult them. You wanted me to use my people skills, I'm using them. This is the best move for both of us."  
  
Crais' face, if it was possible, looked even darker as he nodded in agreement.  
  
"I will not dance," he stated flatly.  
  
"Fine, don't dance," Carma said. "But you're being ridiculous, Crais. It's a ball, it's meant to be fun. One evening's enjoyment, what's the worst that could happen?" 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:   
  
Crais looked impassively at his reflection in the huge mirror. He was at least slightly relieved to discover that, while he might feel silly, he looked quite respectable. He had been seriously regretting bringing Carma aboard in the last few arns. The chief technician had been over Talyn's weapons with a fine tooth comb, but had at last reported back that his weapons were indeed disabled. Crais would have dearly loved to have remained there, but instead Carma had dragged him back down to the planet to attend the ball. There were few things that he wouldn't rather be doing instead.  
  
Crais was ushered back to the court office, allegedly to await Carma but also, he believed, to be inspected. Fortunately it seemed that he reached their standards, which left him nothing to do but wait. He was left alone while the sovereign and his family went to formally open the ball. He walked slowly to the window and looked out at the land outside. The planet had two moons and the evening sky was a strange shade of pink. The land rolled away into the distance, lush and green. He was reminded strongly of Carma's home world, perhaps that was why she seemed to like it here so much.  
  
He heard a noise behind him and turned quickly. He fought hard not to gape at the vision before him. His lips parted slightly despite his efforts. She looked fabulous.  
  
She was wearing what was obviously the fashion in this culture. The dress was long, but split from the mid-thigh all around the skirt. The neckline was low and the design showed off every curve of her body. The dresses were obviously designed, Crais decided, to show off as much as possible of what a potential mate had to offer. Or possibly to make a male incapable of rational thought. Carma's certainly seemed to be doing an admirable job in his case.  
  
"You look...wonderful," he said, trying to sound like he was in complete control.  
  
"You look pretty good yourself," she replied smoothly. Her inner self rolled its eyes at her reticence. It had, after all, just used the word 'hot' seven times in one sentence.  
  
"Shall we go in?" Crais asked uncertainly.  
  
"Sure," Carma replied.  
  
"I still will not dance," Crais said firmly.  
  
"Okay," Carma said, too busy trying not to drool on him to argue. Crais, fortunately, misunderstood her silence.  
  
***  
  
Two arns later, Crais stood on one side of the great hall watching the dancers. Or, if he was honest, watching Carma. After their arrival, word had rapidly gone round that they were royal guests. It seemed that everyone wanted to be seen to support the sovereign, because just about every available man in the place seemed to have asked her to dance tonight. Fortunately for him, it seemed that dance invitations were considered a male's prerogative here. Since he made no offers, he could easily remain at the side. He was thoroughly uncomfortable in this situation, while Carma seemed to be in her element. He only hoped that it would soon be over.  
  
Seeking some air, he slipped out onto a small balcony that he had noticed earlier. The thick curtains covering the entrance damped most of the sound coming from the ball room and, finally, he could be alone.  
  
No sooner had he breathed a sigh of relief, than he heard the curtains rustle behind him and his shoulders dropped.  
  
"Hiding out?" Carma asked.  
  
Crais turned, relieved that it was her.  
  
"I thought that you were occupied?" he said.  
  
"I could use a rest," Carma said, "and I saw you disappear out here. Although, two arns, that's pretty impressive for you."  
  
"Not everyone enjoys social occasions," Crais stated.  
  
"I don't always enjoy them all that much," Carma said, "especially on this scale. My feet are aching terribly now and this dress..." she self-consciously tried to pull up the top of it, "I feel like I've been sent to market."  
  
Crais smiled. "You look excellent though."  
  
"So you told me earlier," Carma said with a smile.  
  
"It is still true," Crais replied.  
  
"Excellent enough to dance with me?"  
  
"I will not dance."  
  
"One time, what harm can it do? I promise I won't consider it a prelude to bonding," Carma said, rolling her eyes.  
  
"I will not dance."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I...can't dance," Crais admitted. "Although I would not even if I knew how."  
  
"I'll teach you one."  
  
Crais sighed.  
  
"It's only a slow dance, anyone can do it."  
  
"Is that what they're doing in there?"  
  
"Now they are, why do you think I wanted to escape? We used to do this on the planet I came from too. A slow dance isn't really a dance at all, it's an excuse to feel someone up."  
  
Crais' head jerked up, Carma carried on oblivious.  
  
"Which is great if you're seeing someone, but not so much fun if you end up dancing with a total stranger who thinks that they're at liberty to put their hands all over you whether you like it or not. Don't look so scared, I'm just trying to start slow with you."  
  
Crais raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Dancing," Carma said. "Starting slow with dancing. Come here."  
  
Crais reluctantly gave in.  
  
"Now you put your arms around me, I put my arms around you and we slowly move in a circle on the spot."  
  
"That's it?" Crais asked.  
  
"Well, like I said, it's not really a dance. You just have to vaguely look like you're dancing while you're doing it. In fact, come to think of it, it's really more like a mating ritual than a dance."  
  
Crais looked up into the night sky while they were slowly moving, trying not to notice how good she smelled. This was ridiculous. Either he still believed in irreversible contamination, in which case he should not even be dancing with her, or he didn't and he should just admit that he wanted her. Maybe the problem was that he still clung to the theory and just couldn't accept that he didn't want to put it into practice. He didn't want a non-Sebacean, but he did want Carma. Unfortunately, he couldn't have both.  
  
"Crais?" she said.  
  
He looked down from the sky and into her face. A microt later they were kissing, neither having any idea quite how it had happened. Crais gave up all pretence of dancing, his attention firmly on the woman in his arms.  
  
They slowly pulled away from each other. Before he had a chance to change his mind he said, "I want to be with you."  
  
"What?" Carma said, obviously startled.  
  
"I want to be with you," Crais repeated. "I will overcome my reservations in time, but I do not want to...deny my feelings for you."  
  
Carma by this time had moved away to the other side of the balcony. She looked as if she was desperately trying to gather herself. "Crais...no, we can't."  
  
"Why not?" he asked, taken aback by her reaction.  
  
"Just because you want something doesn't mean that you automatically get it! I said before that we *each* had our reasons for not wanting us to be together. Just because you've decided to forget yours doesn't mean that mine is any less valid. Just because you want me doesn't mean that I want you!"  
  
"I know that you do," Crais said seriously, moving closer.  
  
"That's not the kind of want that I mean," Carma said, now looking uneasy as well as stunned. "Just because I'm attracted to you does not mean that I want us to get involved and I don't! There's just...there's a lot you still don't know and...I just can't, okay."  
  
"I would like a more detailed explanation."  
  
"Well you won't get one so don't bother asking," Carma said, folding her arms across her chest. "I'm going back to the ball."  
  
She pushed her way through the curtain and back inside. Crais half wanted to pursue her and demand to know what was going on, but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to cause a scene here and he could easily ask Carma again later that night. He was so completely confused by her contradictory actions that the ball was over in a flash.  
  
***  
  
Carma seemed subdued in the transport pod on their way back to Talyn. Crais assumed that she was still thinking about what had occurred between them earlier. He intended to question her as soon as they returned to Talyn. He didn't know what was going on, but he intended to find out. It seemed that there was at least one thing he still had to find out about Carma.  
  
They headed down the corridor towards their respective quarters, Carma walking fast and not looking at him. Crais' longer stride meant that he quickly caught up with her and put an arm out to stop her.  
  
To his shock she lashed out at him. Her blow almost winded him but it was the look in her eyes that scared him the most. He was used to her looking at him with laughter, irritation and concern...but not with fear.  
  
And then it was gone. She looked back at him, eyes dull. "Just leave me alone," she said and started down the corridor again.  
  
Crais stood stock still, watching her go. He wasn't sure quite how long he stood there, but the moment his feet started to work again he headed to her quarters. He could understand her wanting to avoid him, but he couldn't understand that look.  
  
He activated the door controls as soon as he arrived. The doors opened. Whether she wanted him to come after her or had just forgotten to lock them Crais didn't know. He hoped it was the former. She was standing a little way into the room with her back to the door, not doing anything, maybe waiting for something. Crais walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders.   
  
She didn't hit him this time, but the moment he touched her she seemed to stiffen head to toe. He could almost feel the tension radiating from her. He removed his hands and folded them behind his back.   
  
"Carma...I am sorry if my...actions earlier have upset you. I did not intend them to. I thought that...."  
  
He broke off when he heard her sob. He moved round to face her, wanting to comfort her but suspecting that would do more harm than good.  
  
"Carma, I...." he broke off, not knowing what he could possibly say.  
  
"It's okay," she choked out, "it's not you."  
  
The relief he felt at that was only momentary.  
  
"Who is it?" he asked simply.  
  
Carma avoided his eyes as she gained control over her tears. "After we...spoke on the balcony I went back to the ball. I spoke to a few people, and then the prince, Erane asked me to dance. Of course I said yes. Afterwards he suggested that we go somewhere more private. I tried to get out of it but he insisted and I didn't want to risk insulting anyone. One wrong move and they'll send us off and Talyn won't get fixed. So I went away with him. And, well, he...."  
  
The tears began again. Crais felt white hot anger build up inside him. "I'll break his neck," he hissed.  
  
"You can't do that!" Carma said. "Like I said, one wrong move and they'll send us off."  
  
"You want to let him get away with what he did to you?"  
  
"He tried, I fought him off. He didn't.... Anyway, no-one will believe me. He's the prince. There's nothing I can do."  
  
"I cannot let that end it."  
  
"Bialar, he knew I couldn't say anything, that's why he picked me. That's what people like that do. They look for the one who can't risk reporting it so they'll get away with it."  
  
Crais suddenly looked hard at her. A cold feeling spread over his insides and he felt horribly like he might be sick. "This has...happened to you before, hasn't it?"  
  
Carma didn't answer for a moment. Then she looked up at him. "You remember what I said about when they started giving me the drug? That the withdrawal was so painful that I was willing to do anything not to feel it again?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"After about two cycles, I tried to get out. I...tried to find another source of the drug. I didn't want to be a spy anymore, I didn't like what I was becoming, but I knew that I couldn't survive without the drug. After about three monens...I found someone. I...went to see him, with all the currency I could get my hands on, and tried to buy a supply of the drug. He raped me," she said matter-of-factly. "He knew I couldn't do anything about it. He was a known dealer. If I'd reported it the government would have found out what I was trying to do and they either would have killed me or they would have found another way of insuring that I didn't defect."  
  
"What?" Crais asked, trying to quieten his churning insides.  
  
"They...implant two devices into you. One is a micro-recording device that's attached to your optic nerves. It records everything you see so they can spy on you. It's impossible to remove without blinding yourself completely. The second connects to the pain centres of your brain. You have to report back every monen to the training centre. They review your optical logs. If it is clear that you have done nothing to further their cause, or you have seen something that you have not reported, they activate the second device. A person will usually spend an average of twenty-seven arns in excruciating pain before the device overloads and destroys all synaptic functioning. The second device will activate automatically if it is not scanned so if you don't return for your check-up you die anyway. I would never have been able to escape."  
  
Crais sat down heavily on the edge of her bed.  
  
"I guess that should give you some idea why I'm so...hot and cold," Carma said, sitting down beside him. "I have feelings for you and I'd like to act on them but..." she shook her head, "I've been damaged, Crais and I'm not sure if that damage can ever be repaired."  
  
She turned to him. "You won't say anything will you? We'll be out of here soon. It won't do any good to anyone if you do."  
  
Crais struggled to suppress the anger inside him. "If you do not wish me to say anything I will keep your counsel. But I will not leave you alone with anyone and if he makes another attempt I will not turn a blind eye."  
  
"Thank you," Carma replied gratefully.  
  
"Will you be able to sleep tonight?" Crais asked.  
  
"Probably not," Carma replied. "I'll see you in the galley in a few arns."  
  
Crais smiled and left her alone.  
  
Neither of them got much sleep that night. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:  
  
"Certainly we can do as you ask." The chief technician was more optimistic than Crais had expected. "The process may take longer than usual for a hybrid, but I am confident that the technology can be applied successfully and that your ship will fully recover his starburst capabilities."  
  
Crais nodded. "Excellent. When can you begin?"  
  
"I think we can take the preliminary readings later on today," the chief said, "but, before then, there is something that I would like you to consider."  
  
"And what is that?" Crais asked, a slight edge of suspicion in his tone.  
  
The chief smiled. "Nothing too drastic, I assure you. The situation is this. I can fit your ship with a prosthetic fin and connect it to his main systems. This would restore his ability to starburst. However, as the fin regenerates the prosthetic would need to be constantly altered. This problem is increased because he is not yet fully grown. It would require you to either remain within easy travelling distance of this planet or to find another with compatible technology until the fin is re-grown, which will take at least four monens, if not longer. It is also likely to cost you significant amounts of currency."  
  
"Certainly that would be an inconvenience," Crais agreed. "I assume that you have another solution?"  
  
The man hesitated. "I must stress that this is only a suggestion. I and some of my colleagues have been working on a new technology that would eliminate the need for prosthetics. If successful, it would allow your leviathan to re-grow his starburst fin at many times the normal rate."  
  
"How long would it take?" Crais enquired.  
  
"Two weekens, three at most," the chief replied.  
  
"What...*exactly* does this technology involve?" Crais asked, his attention caught but still wary.  
  
"What we've created are essentially miniature robots," the chief replied, his eyes lighting up. His involvement in his work was clear to see. "They can take molecules of a material and turn them into a completely different material provided that it contains the same elements. For example, my skin contains an element which we call protomin. My pole stabiliser," he said, pulling one of the tools from his belt and showing it to Crais, "is also made from protomin. If I provided a sufficient large sample, these robots could convert my skin into at least the shell of a pole stabiliser. If we could place these robots onto your ship's missing starburst fin and provided them with samples of his DNA, they could rebuild the fin far quicker than in ordinary growth."  
  
"That does sound like quite an achievement," Crais agreed. "How have you tested this?"  
  
"We have conducted a large number of small scale projects," the chief replied. "Unfortunately...our government has refused permission to test it on a large scale project."  
  
Now Crais understood. "And you would like Talyn to be the test subject?"  
  
"I wouldn't be suggesting it if I didn't believe it could work," the chief said confidently. "As non-residents I can provide this service to you without going against regulations. I ask only that you consider it."  
  
Crais gave one sharp nod. "Begin taking the preliminary scans. I will...consider your proposal carefully and inform you of my decision when you are ready to proceed."  
  
"Thank you," the chief said gratefully, "it would be a great opportunity for us."  
  
He hurried away to consult with his technicians. Crais looked around the large workshop, his eyes seeking Carma. True to his word he had not left her alone, she had wandered off to look around while he discussed their situation with the chief. Knowing, as she put it, 'absolute blax' about leviathans she had decided that she wouldn't be much help. Not seeing her, he approached one of the technicians.  
  
"Did you see my companion leave here?" he asked, slightly concerned.  
  
The woman shook her head. One of the others at the bench looked up. "I think that she went outside," she said.  
  
"Thank you," Crais replied, and went in search of her.  
  
She was wandering the gardens outside, the sun shining down on her and reflecting off her hair. Somehow it had bleached from pale brown to blond after less than half an arn in the sun. She looked calm and happy, obviously revelling in the heat. Crais himself found the temperature slightly too high for comfort. Yet another reminder of their different origins.  
  
"It's a beautiful day here, isn't it," she said, coming towards him. Her smile, coupled with her blond hair and blue eyes, made her look almost angelic. He found it hard to believe that this was the same woman that he had seen last night.  
  
"My heat tolerance is not as high as yours," Crais said, resisting the temptation to strip off his jacket.  
  
She looked concerned. "Of course, I forgot you don't have a heat gland. Do you want to go inside?"  
  
"That is not necessary," Crais replied, looking back at her. "If this is the temperature you prefer you must find Talyn rather cold."  
  
She shrugged. "A little cooler than I'd like perhaps, why do you think I always wear my sweater? Talyn keeps my quarters slightly warmer for me though and I'm not dying of cold or anything. Besides I get cold, I'm cold, that's it. If you can't regulate body temperature getting over heated must be pretty serious."  
  
"If a Sebacean is overheated for a significant period of time they enter what we call 'the living death'," Crais replied. "It is a deep coma."  
  
"Kren, isn't there anything your medics can do about it?" Carma asked.  
  
"It is irreversible."  
  
"Don't you have gene therapies, can't anyone find a way to make you grow heat glands?"  
  
"To my knowledge it has never been tried. I do not know if it is possible."  
  
"Maybe when we meet up with Moya again me and Jool could...."  
  
"While I have great faith in your abilities as a healer," Crais said hastily, "I would prefer my physiology not to be tampered with anymore than necessary."  
  
"You know," Carma said, head cocked to one side as she looked at him, "it was so much easier to do things for you when you were in a coma."  
  
Crais glared at her. Carma laughed. "I could do whatever I wanted and you didn't even object once. I should have known it wouldn't last."  
  
Now Crais regarded her with suspicion, "What exactly did you do for me?"  
  
"I gave you a full physical examination, several in fact, performed major surgery to remove the remains of the transponder, maintained your life support for two monens and kept a close eye on every aspect of your health."  
  
"What precisely does a full physical examination involve?"  
  
Carma folded her arms. "I assure you that I only viewed what was necessary to monitor your health."  
  
Crais folded his own. "Indeed?"  
  
"Bialar I am a professional. I wouldn't even think of such a thing."  
  
Crais said nothing. Carma avoided his gaze. "Okay, so maybe I thought about it," she admitted. Crais raised an eyebrow. "But I didn't do anything!" she insisted. "There are rules about that sort of thing."  
  
"I believe you," Crais said, turning away so that she wouldn't see the amusement in his eyes. He swiftly changed the subject. "The chief technician has an interesting suggestion regarding Talyn's repairs."  
  
"Does he know how long it will take?" Carma asked, idly wandering over to the flower bed at the garden's centre and dropping to her knees to smell the flowers.  
  
"That will depend on what form of treatment we decide on," Crais replied, coming up behind her. "Do you wish to leave here?"  
  
Carma looked back at him, squinting slightly as the bright sunlight hit her eyes. "It's nice being planet-side again, but I'd be lying if I said I wanted to prolong our stay."  
  
Crais awkwardly crouched down beside her. "Carma, the chief technician has...made a proposal that could be beneficial to Talyn, but it would involve a slightly lengthier stay. Are you willing to remain here for the extra time?"  
  
"What's his proposal?" Carma asked.  
  
"He wishes to test a new technology on Talyn that will enable him to re-grow his starburst fin in two or three weekens. It would mean that there would be no need for further repairs and no restrictions to his capabilities. But it is not guaranteed to work."  
  
"And if it doesn't, then what?"  
  
"Then we would have to remain here even longer to have a prosthetic fitted. We could, however, choose that course of action now and not attempt the experiment."  
  
Carma met his eyes. "This would be better for Talyn, wouldn't it?"  
  
"If it is successful, yes."  
  
"Talyn's your ship," Carma said. "If you decide to attempt this, I will remain here as long as it takes."  
  
"Are you certain?"  
  
"It's not my decision," Carma said simply. "I'm only a guest on your ship. The decision is yours...and Talyn's."  
  
"I would...value your opinion."  
  
"If it's best for Talyn we should do it. He's why we came here after all."  
  
Crais got up stiffly. "Then we are in agreement. I will inform the chief that he can attempt the procedure."  
  
Carma stood up beside him. "Crais, am I right in thinking that this doesn't really require a lot of input from us?"  
  
"It...does seem that we are largely superfluous," Crais agreed, wondering what she was suggesting.  
  
"Do you have any idea how we can occupy ourselves?"  
  
He did, but none that he could suggest to her.  
  
"No," he replied.  
  
"Great!" she said, excitedly, "because I had a excellent idea!"  
  
***  
  
"Where are we?" Crais asked, looking up at the huge grey building and getting only a crick in the neck for his trouble.  
  
"This," Carma said, grinning happily, "is the national genetics laboratory. These are the people who fund the research that we're trying on Talyn."  
  
"Ah," Crais said. A pause. "Why are we here?"  
  
"According to someone I spoke to at the ball the other night," a shadow passed across her face but she quickly brushed it away, "they are creating some truly incredible things here. I thought you knew something about genetics?"  
  
"I do," Crais said, slightly insulted.  
  
"Come on Bialar, one arn, that's all I'm asking for," Carma said, seeing his expression.  
  
"Very well," Crais agreed.   
  
"It will be fun," Carma said. "When I was young I used to spend hours at the city labs, I was apprenticed there when I was trying to get into the carers programme. I loved it there," she smiled happily, "don't Peacekeepers do anything for recreation?"  
  
Crais smothered a laugh.  
  
"What?" Carma asked in confusion.  
  
"In the Peacekeepers, 'recreation' has a slightly different meaning."  
  
"What?" Carma asked again, then blushed. "Oh right, I see. Okay, what did you do for fun?"  
  
"There is not a vast amount of time in a Peacekeeper's life for fun, but there are various games and training programmes to fill the off hours."  
  
"Thrilling," Carma said. Crais was strongly reminded of Crichton for a second. "Well, anyway, this is what I like to do for fun. Try and look like you're enjoying yourself."  
  
***  
  
"Much of the labs are off-limits to you, I'm afraid," their guide said.   
  
"What you've shown us was very interesting," Carma said. "Wasn't it Crais?"  
  
"Thrilling," Crais replied, echoing her earlier pronouncement. Carma grinned at him.  
  
"There isn't anyway that we can go inside?" Carma asked. "I know I'm not from your planet, but I am a qualified genetic scientist."  
  
The man shook his head regretfully. "Only employed personnel and donors are allowed into the labs."  
  
"Donors?" Carma enquired.  
  
"Our scientists require donations of genetic samples in order to carry out their research. Members of the population donate voluntarily, but we usually provide a short tour for those who are interested in the work we do as...compensation."  
  
"We could do that," Carma said eagerly. Crais opened his mouth to object, but didn't get that far. "Are you interested in other species?" Carma asked.  
  
"I could enquire, if you like," their guide offered.  
  
"Yes please, do that. We'd be very willing to contribute," Carma replied, smiling warmly.  
  
Their guide disappeared through a door. Carma turned back to Crais.  
  
"I do *not* wish to leave samples of my DNA lying around the uncharted territories," Crais stated emphatically.  
  
Carma fought a grin. "There must be a lot of very disappointed women out there then," she said, winking at him.  
  
Crais glared at her, too focused on her original idea to realise that she'd just paid him a compliment. "That, as you are quite aware, is not what I was referring to," he said darkly. "I do not wish to be a genetic donor for anyone, regardless of whether they offer us a tour!"  
  
"It's nothing to worry about," Carma insisted, "I used to do this all the time. They take small samples of your blood, a few skin cells and that's it. Nothing to it and it doesn't hurt a bit."  
  
"I am not concerned whether or not it will hurt," Crais said firmly. "I merely object to providing people I know almost nothing about with samples of my DNA."  
  
"Everyone we've met here has been perfectly friendly," Carma said. "Well, almost everyone. We've no reason to assume that they're a threat."  
  
"And we have no reason to trust them this much," Crais added.  
  
"Well I'm going to go for it," Carma said, "if you want to leave, just go."  
  
Crais glared at her, but remained where he was.  
  
"Aren't you leaving?" she asked.  
  
"I did promise that I would stay with you," Crais replied quietly.  
  
"I guess you did," Carma said, "but you don't have to stay if you don't want to."  
  
"As you said before," Crais said reluctantly, "back-up can be useful."  
  
"Glad to hear that I'm rubbing off on you," Carma said, laughing.  
  
Their guide returned. "I have been informed that your donations would be very welcome," he said. "Are you certain that you wish to donate?"  
  
Carma glanced back at Crais. "Sign us up," she said cheerfully.  
  
Crais followed her reluctantly. Unlike Carma, he was not certain of their trustworthiness. Once again, he began to question his decision to bring her on board. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:  
  
"Okay, what do you say now?" Carma asked expectantly.  
  
"It was as you described," Crais said, his tone making clear that this was all he would concede.  
  
"In other words, I was right," Carma said, grinning. "Don't worry, I won't make you say it. However tempted I may be...."  
  
Crais glared back at her.  
  
***  
  
"Crais?"   
  
Her voice broke through his solitary reflection. He turned from the viewscreen as she came in.  
  
"What is it?" he asked, his voice slightly rough at the late hour.  
  
She came to stand beside him and looked out into space. "What happens if we can't fix Talyn? His instability I mean?"  
  
Crais looked over at her. "Then we will have to shut down all his higher functions...permanently."  
  
"Kill him."  
  
Crais' shoulders dropped. "In effect."  
  
Carma nodded. "What if I can't be fixed?"  
  
Crais turned to her. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Bialar I'm as unstable as Talyn is. Only difference is, I don't have guns," Carma said quietly.  
  
"I'm sure that once your body has fully recovered from the drug...."  
  
"It's not the drug Bialar," Carma said, shaking her head. "It's me. Maybe that triggered it, but now...it's a part of me. Sometimes I think that I'm getting better and then I hit another low patch. I can't control it and...and it's just getting worse. I don't know anymore if I'm even...capable of controlling my own life. I don't trust my own judgement and...I think I'm a danger to you."  
  
"I do not believe that."  
  
"No," Carma replied, shaking her head, "no-one ever does. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if someone else got inside my head. It's a scary place. I wouldn't want to live there...not if I didn't have to."  
  
"Even from the little I know of you," Crais said, awkwardly, "I would judge that you have every reason to need some time to heal. Here you may take as much time as you wish. I am still attempting to recover from my time as a Peacekeeper and Talyn is trying to recover from being linked to me."  
  
"I don't believe that you did him that much damage," Carma said.  
  
"I have...seen the evidence of my influence on Talyn on numerous occasions," Crais said quietly.  
  
"There's no-one alive who wouldn't have had some bad effect on him," Carma said. "Hang-ups, prejudices, imperfect values, regrets, irritations, dark moods - we all have them. The problem is that Talyn has been given more power to harm than wisdom to control it. That's not your fault."  
  
"I created Talyn," Crais said bluntly. "It was my project that ultimately resulted in his creation. Therefore it is my fault."  
  
"So maybe you didn't have the perspective you needed to understand what you were doing," Carma said. "Bialar, no matter how many mistakes you think you've made, I'll bet that I've made more."  
  
"I...doubt that."  
  
"Well take comfort, compared to me, you're perfectly together," Carma said wryly.  
  
Crais self-consciously put an arm around her shoulders. To his surprise she leaned against his chest. "You will heal and so will Talyn...and I."  
  
She looked up at him and Crais bent his head to kiss her. After a few microts she broke away.  
  
"This is blezted, you know that right? It's not fair on you. I'm not fit to start anything...and I don't want to mess you around. Besides, you could do better."  
  
"There is no-one else," Crais remarked seriously.  
  
Her eyes moved away from his. "Except Aeryn."  
  
Crais looked at her in surprise. Carma gave a half-smile back. "I heard Crichton say that he didn't care who you were 'shacked up' with as long as it wasn't Aeryn. It wasn't that hard to figure out what he meant."  
  
"There has never been anything between us," Crais said. "I...did desire her for some time but shortly before we went to the command carrier I realised that there would never be a future for us."  
  
"Because she loves Crichton."  
  
"Because a relationship would not be...beneficial, for either of us."  
  
"How so?" Carma asked, her forehead wrinkling.  
  
Crais considered her question. "One...benefit that her relationship with Crichton seems to have had is that it has encouraged her to explore her more...emotional side. I believe that I would only encourage her to revert to her former ways. Our backgrounds are too similar. And I, also, would benefit from someone with...a different sphere of experience."  
  
"So, what you're saying to me is that Crichton is your ideal match?"  
  
Crais winced. "I would not have put it like that."  
  
"You think you need someone who can show you a different perspective on the world?"  
  
"In a sense."  
  
"You know, Bialar, I can do that," Carma said, "but I can't guarantee that it will be one that you like."  
  
"I am prepared to take that risk."  
  
"Bialar there's a universe full of women out there who would love to show you whatever you wanted to see. I'm not the one for you," Carma said, moving out of his arms.  
  
"Allow me to be the judge of that," Crais replied.  
  
"Bialar, this is insane! We can't have anything. I know nothing about relationships, you know nothing about relationships and neither of us is exactly in a good position. We'll fight and we'll hurt each other and it will end with one of us throwing the other out of the nearest airlock."  
  
"I will have the DRDs improve the locking mechanisms."  
  
"Bialar, just...don't ask me to do this," Carma said, suddenly sounding tired. "I just can't give you what you need."  
  
She walked out of the command, one hand pressed to her temple. Crais just stood and watched her leave.  
  
***  
  
"Have you made any progress?" Carma asked, feeling slightly uneasy. They had received a transmission from the genetics lab, asking Crais if he would be willing to donate another sample and, to Carma's surprise, he had gone. That left her alone on Talyn with the chief technician. She didn't exactly feel scared, but in her present mood she didn't feel able to cope with much. It had been almost a weeken since her late night talk with Crais, and relations between them had not been the best. She didn't blame him for wanting to avoid her, she would have willingly done the same if she had the choice.  
  
"The results are already quite significant," the chief said, beaming. "There has been almost 50% regrowth and all the signs are excellent."  
  
"Excellent," Carma replied half-heartedly, unwittingly repeating Crais' words. She was finding it hard to get enthusiastic over anything, especially technical repairs.  
  
"Are you unhappy with the results?" the chief asked, looking worried.  
  
"No, it looks great," Carma said, dredging up a smile from somewhere. "I'm just experiencing a few...personal problems."  
  
The man nodded understandingly. "With your mate?"  
  
"For the final time he is not my mate!" Carma exclaimed. "Never has been, never will be!"  
  
"I apologise," the man said quickly, looking rather nervous. "I assumed...."  
  
"Yes, I know. You assumed that, since we're travelling together we must be bonded. Well we're not. Frell, I just...."  
  
"What?" the man asked cautiously, when she had been silent for a number of microts.  
  
Carma shook her head. "Nothing," she said, "I'll let you get back to your work."  
  
With that she strode out of command and back to her quarters, blinking back the tears that insisted on coming.  
  
***  
  
By the time evening came Carma had stopped being annoyed and started being worried. The chief had long since returned to his workshop on the planet, still enthusing over the success of his technology, but Crais had still not returned. They had reluctantly accepted an invitation to the bridal ball that night, knowing that they could not avoid another without causing offence, and she had no intention of setting foot in the court alone. Surely he couldn't still be at the lab? Deep down she knew he must have gone off as a result of what she had said. She couldn't believe how badly she had destroyed things. Crais and Talyn had saved her from so much. She needed them more than they could possibly knew but, at the same time, she didn't have the strength to build relationships with them. Another question came to her mind, what would she do if Crais refused to take her with them?  
  
She knew that she had to go to the ball alone and hope that Crais would arrive. She hoped that he would forgive her. Without him and Talyn she'd have nothing.  
  
***  
  
Carma stood by the communications panel, cursing the ball dress she wore. She pulled again at the top as she punched in the code she had been given. A few moments later a face appeared on the viewscreen.   
  
"How may I be of assistance?" the woman asked.  
  
"My companion was at your lab earlier today and he hasn't returned to our ship. Do you know where he could be?" It was a long shot but she had to ask.  
  
"I will enquire for you," the woman said cheerfully. Carma felt like strangling her. She'd had just about enough of these people's perky attitudes.  
  
After what felt like a small ice age the woman returned. "Your companion left the lab at 1300 hours and mentioned something about purchasing some items for his ship," she said. "We have no other information I'm afraid."  
  
Carma's head dropped. "Thank you," she said, and broke the transmission.  
  
Forcing herself to keep moving, she headed for the ball. She would have to speak to the sovereign, he was the only one she knew who might be able to help her find Crais.   
  
As she entered the ball room she tried to blend in as much as possible. To her dismay she saw Erane spot her and try to catch her eye. She made her way slowly to the other end of the room, where the sovereign and his mate were watching the proceedings.  
  
"Sir...." she began as she approached.  
  
"Ah," Tyrel said, noticing her, "one of our guests is now present. But where is your companion?"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know," Carma replied. "I realise that this is not the best time, but I must ask for your help to locate him. He donated some genetic samples at the national lab earlier today and he hasn't been heard of since. He gave no indication to me that he planned to be gone so long and I am worried."  
  
The sovereign shifted in his seat. "As you say this is not the most opportune time, but we must help you if we can." He looked around and summoned a man who had been standing to one side, who approached rapidly.  
  
"Did he give any indication of where he might have gone after that?" Tyrel inquired.  
  
"The person I spoke to at the lab said that he mentioned purchasing some items," Carma replied.  
  
"Ulrich," Tyrel said, adressing the man he had summonded, "please assist this young woman in contacting all the traders in Aloesha - that is the town nearest to the centre," he added, adressing Carma, "to enquire whether they have seen her companion."  
  
The man gave a small bow. "At once."  
  
Tyrel smiled. "Ulrich will give you whatever assistance you required. If there is more we can do, please let us know."  
  
"Thank you," Carma said gratefully.  
  
"I hope that this can easily be resolved."  
  
Carma gave a weak smile and went with Ulrich, back to the same communications panel that she had been at. Ulrich produced what was obviously an identification chip of some kind. The panel suddenly sprung to life. After a few moments, he spoke.   
  
"Here is a list of all the registered traders of Aloesha. It is not a large town, we should be able to contact each of them to determine if they have seen your companion."  
  
"Will the trading posts be open at this hour?" Carma asked doutfully.   
  
"All citizens are required to carry communicators at all times so they can be contacted," Ulrich replied stiffly.  
  
"Right," Carma said, uncertainly, "let's get going."  
  
They went through the entire list. Not one had served or noticed someone answering Crais' description.   
  
"I would have seen him if he'd come in," the last shopkeeper added helpfully. "We don't get a lot of sebaceans around here."  
  
"May I use this panel to contact my ship?" Carma asked, clinging to one last thread of hope.  
  
Ulrich gave a stiff nod.  
  
Carma sent a message to Talyn, asking Crais to respond if he was there. She got no response. Crais had simply disappeared.  
  
"Thank you for your help," she told Ulrich, and followed him slowly back inside. She hardly noticed the buzz of activity in the room, too wrapped up in her own thoughts, until one sentence penetrated her consciousness.  
  
"And here she is, my future mate, Raylani Carma."  
  
That was the last thing she heard before she lost consciousness. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:  
  
When she came to, she was in the court office. The sovereign and his mate were there, as was Erane. For a split second she hoped what she had heard had been a dream.  
  
"I thought you would surprised at my pronouncement, but I hadn't expected such a reaction," Erane said, laughing.  
  
Carma sat up, torn between wanting to spit on him and wanting to cry. "But I can't marry you," she said, trying to keep the desperation from her voice.  
  
"Why ever not?" Erane asked, his eyes challenging her.  
  
"Because...I don't love you," she ended lamely.  
  
Tyrel laughed. "That will come in time," he promised. "Love is not something that is felt at the first meeting! I have no doubt that you will make a very suitable wife for my son."  
  
"But..." Carma said, thinking desperately, "I'm not from this planet, I'm not even of your race, I know nothing of your traditions and I could never be a suitable queen!"  
  
"You will be instructed in everything you need to know," Tyrel said warmly, obviously mistaking her panic for anxiety over her new position. "You and Erane will be married in two solar days, we will just have time to create your bridal gown."  
  
Carma's head was spinning, it was all she could do to remember why she had come here. "Sir, I have still not found my companion. None of the traders we asked recalled seeing him and he has still not returned to our ship. I must ask your help to find him. I...couldn't be married without him being there," she added, hoping that would help her cause.  
  
"Then we must make every effort to find him for you," Tyrel said cheerfully. "In the meantime, you will be escorted to your chamber where you can begin to prepare for the wedding."  
  
Carma's head began to spin again.  
  
***  
  
Crais slowly regained consciousness, a pounding headache taking over his entire skull.  
  
"Are you ready to begin again?"  
  
Crais was too sore to speak, his whole body felt like it had been set on fire and then had acid poured on the burns. They couldn't seriously imagine that he would last through much more of this.  
  
"I'm quite pleased with the results of this experiment," the scientist attending to Crais said, speaking as if Crais were a junior technician instead of the lab rat.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Crais asked, his throat dry and rasping.  
  
"Peacekeeper presence in the uncharted territories seems to be growing steadily. We need to know what will effect Sebaceans. We haven't had one visit our planet in many cycles."  
  
"You didn't consider...simply asking me?" Crais asked, his voice rough.  
  
The scientist looked surprised. "Everything must be tested properly or it cannot be relied on."  
  
A part of Crais almost wanted to laugh.  
  
"What do you intend to do with me? Keep me here until I finally die?" he said.  
  
"Or until you are no longer useful," the scientist replied, not even blinking.  
  
"And you see nothing wrong with that?"  
  
"Do Peacekeepers see anything wrong with killing innocent people?"  
  
"I am no longer a Peacekeeper!"  
  
"I'm sure that's a great comfort to those you killed when you were."  
  
***  
  
Carma sat at the window of her room, looking out at the world below her. She was high up and the window was large. If all else failed, it would be easy just to climb out of it and let herself fall. Compared with being married to Erane, death was the better option. In fact, at this stage of her life, death seemed the better option to everything. Knowing that she was alone and it no longer mattered what she said, she finally finished the words she had begun to speak on Talyn.  
  
"I want to go home."  
  
From somewhere deep inside her, another voice came up. Softly, it told her what she had tried so hard not to think.  
  
"You don't have a home anymore."  
  
***  
  
"I need to return to Talyn to meet with the chief technician," Carma said.  
  
"I'm sure that we could send someone in your place," Tyrel replied, "after all, Talyn is no longer your responsibility."  
  
"Until Crais is found he must be," Carma said, "I cannot allow him to be completely without guidance in the meantime and someone must supervise his repairs."  
  
"Very well," Tyrel conceded. "But there is still much that must be done."  
  
"Have you any idea how Crais might be found?" Carma asked, hopefully.  
  
"Enquiries will be made today. I am confident that we will have located him before the wedding. I cannot believe that he has come to any harm," Tyrel replied, with the air of a man who has never had anything worse than a hang nail happen to him.  
  
Carma wished she could be so optimistic.  
  
***  
  
Despite all the pain he was being put through, Crais found his thoughts focused on Talyn and Carma. Talyn was without his main source of guidance and Carma...he had promised that he wouldn't leave her. He hated to think what could have happened to her. Intelligent as she was, she knew little of other races, had no experience of people from different backgrounds. He had a terrible feeling that she was in trouble. He was determined to escape but, for the first time, he couldn't see how. Bialar Crais, the man who always had a plan, had no idea what he was going to do.  
  
***  
  
"So how's Talyn doing?" Carma asked, feelings of hopelessness washing over her in waves.  
  
"Wonderfully," the chief replied, "I observe almost 80% re-growth, that is much more than I predicted."  
  
"But is the fin fully operational?"  
  
"Unfortunately we won't know that until it is fully grown and starburst is attempted," the chief said. "But all the signs are excellent."  
  
"Great," Carma replied, feeling dead inside.  
  
"I...hear congratulations are in order," the chief added hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah," Carma said listlessly, "so do I."  
  
***  
  
Crais was dreaming. Dreaming that he was back on board the command carrier, back on board Talyn, giving the order to starburst. A strange sense of peace washed over him as the memory took over his mind. For the first time in two cycles, no, more like three, he had felt completely in control of his own destiny. And now, here he was, out of control again.  
  
***  
  
Carma looked at her reflection in the mirror as if it was somebody else. Somebody else wearing an elaborate wedding dress. Her eyes were drawn once again to the open window. Only a matter of weekens ago she'd been saved from the jaws of death, and now she was staring them in the face again. Only this time, she was alone. Crais had been right, they had no reason to trust these people. He was probably dead, or badly injured, bleeding to death somewhere. And she felt like she was bleeding along with him.  
  
Maybe, after all, I wasn't intended to survive, she thought. Maybe I really can't live in this world.  
  
***  
  
Crais was only dimly conscious of what was going on around him. He vaguely sensed some motion, but couldn't have said if it was one person or twenty. He heard raised voices and sounds of what might have been a struggle. Someone picked him up and undid his bonds. Obviously realising that he couldn't walk alone, two people pulled him to his feet and supported him as they marched him out of there. Crais had no idea where he was being taken and, by then, he hardly cared.  
  
***  
  
"There is nothing to worry about," Tyrel said, trying to comfort Carma. Her face was the colour of chalk, her palms were clammy and she felt horribly like she might faint, or be sick, or possibly both. The sovereign and his wife were in the room with her, with less than half an arn to go before the wedding, giving her final words of advice. They were under the mistaken impression that she was just nervous about taking on such an important role as crown princess. How would they have reacted if they'd know how close she'd come to ending her life rather than tying herself to the man who'd tried to rape her? Carma was too incapable of rational thought even to wonder. Her heart cried for the days when she'd known she could cope with anything. All the strength she'd ever had had deserted her. She was too deep in despair to see any possible way out.  
  
***  
  
Crais was sore and bruised, but conscious and clean. He now knew that he had been brought back to the court. The medics there had patched him up as much as possible. Everyone there had seemed utterly shocked at what had happened to him. It seemed he'd been unlucky enough to encounter one rogue scientist. Crais hoped, for their sakes, that it was true. There were only two things he cared about now, getting back to Talyn...and seeing Carma. Ideally before her wedding.  
  
***  
  
Carma felt calmer now. The feeling was not dissimilar to that supposedly felt by hypothermia victims just before they die. A feeling of complete calm and relaxation, not a care in the world. It felt almost as if her soul had left her body, and only the empty shell was left to go to its fate. Somewhere behind her she heard the door open and turned around automatically, not expecting to see anything she cared about.  
  
In a microt the sight of Crais' face, worn though it was, seemed to bring her soul rushing back into her body. In that same microt everything was right with the world again, she could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not knowing, or caring, what might happen next she went straight to him, threw her arms around him and kissed him with all the passion she had in her.  
  
For once in his life, Crais was too sore, too tired and too glad to see someone to care where he was and who was watching him. He held her as close as his sore body would allow him to...and kissed her back.  
  
A lifetime later, when they had finally pulled away from each other, a voice slowly managed to penetrate their brains.  
  
"This is hardly appropriate behaviour just before your wedding!"  
  
Crais and Carma just looked at each other, neither could resist smiling at that. It just sounded so ridiculous to even think of her marrying Erane.  
  
Carma turned round and addressed the sovereign, "I can't marry Erane, I love Bialar," she said simply.  
  
Even Crais was stunned, he'd never expected to hear those words from her after all she had said.  
  
"Yes, but...you cannot refuse the prince!" Tyrel exclaimed, apparently unable to grasp the concept of marriage for love.  
  
Carma opened her mouth to protest but, for once, Crais got there first. "I would imagine," he said, wrapping his arm possessively around Carma, "that, in a society that strictly separates men and women until they are bonded, the crown prince would expect a wife without experience of other men."  
  
It was impossible to believe that anyone could have looked more shocked.  
  
"You mean to say that she has lain with other men?!" the sovereign exclaimed in such a scandalised voice that it was all Carma could do to keep from breaking into hysterical laughter.  
  
"Several, that I know of," Crais replied, his own face completely straight, "myself included. I imagine...that there have been more."  
  
"Dozens," Carma agreed happily, grinning like an idiot.  
  
"In that case, I do not think that we can possibly go through with this wedding," Tyrel said, obviously in a state of shock. "We could not expect Erane to tie himself to.... He will be very shocked at what you have told us."  
  
"Somehow," Crais said, "I suspect that he will understand better than you think." He turned to Carma, "I suggest that we return to Talyn," he said.  
  
"Sounds wonderful," Carma said, her whole face lit up in a smile.  
  
***  
  
Carma seemed to be on an almost unnatural high now they had returned to Talyn. All the energy that had drained from her being over the last couple of days had returned en masse and she was racing around like there was no tomorrow. Her eyes were lit up like pulse explosions as she looked everywhere around her, her eyes soaking in every dench of Talyn's command.  
  
Crais watched her, half pleased that her depression seemed to have lifted and half worried at her frantic energy. He assumed that it must still be the result of her body recovering from the drug, but it concerned him none the less. Still, he liked it better than her dead eyes on the planet before she had seen him.  
  
Carma herself was revelling in the overwhelming feelings of bliss. It didn't matter that she knew from experience that it wouldn't last. It didn't matter that when it wore off she would feel as hopeless as she had before. In that moment her world was rosy and beautiful and she was happy to be alive. The dark days seemed far behind her and the road ahead was clear and bathed in sunlight.  
  
"Bialar?" she said, her bright eyes turning to him.  
  
"Yes?" he replied, looking into them.  
  
"You know that I'll never be easy for you?"  
  
"I do know that."  
  
"And that it will probably end in tears?"  
  
"That also."  
  
"And that we'll have to move very, very slowly.  
  
Crais just kissed her. Somewhere from the depths of his memory came words that he'd said more than three cycles ago in very different circumstances.  
  
"You can't run forever," he said simply, "I can wait." 


End file.
